truth sets in

If I were half as of a good person as I pretty much like to believe I am, I'd admit defeat.

enough.

and then again, you just pour words in bed as if saying them as I'm asleep will garante some sort of decent safety.

there's no safety involved in this. You get one move wrong and you can get me upset. for a very long, long time.

I wish you were noisy. i wish you were silent. i wish you'd be whatever you need to in order to make me feel like I am doing the right thing.

right now, im all wrong.

wrong in colours. wrong in truth.
wrong in lies and mess and chaos and whatnot.

the rest... the rest...

the rest is falling asleep at night and hearing the door opening and seeing you entering the room, jumping in my bed.
sunday mornings and non sense talk. stupid tease, your piercing look you give, whenever you want to say something but will never do it in case I'll hear it.

i miss all that.

and all these years, wondering about how we'd be, it was sort of ok to keep it that way, because i never had a taste of it, i never knew even if I wanted it. Now is harder because we had it and I dont know how to get it back.

of all the predictable things, the one that hurts the most, is to know you will blank me forever.