open that f* door

has it really changed? I mean, everything, even a bit?

doors closed.

break in.

lock ourselves in. leave your bloody excuses behind.

and this is not a plea. or an idea. it's just a plan.

tired of the "b" way. the alternative. the fix. the "maybe next time" positive thinking.

I am in one of those moods. the anger possessing me slowly. i could use some angry sex.

or just some old friends. visiting town. staying for a while. taking me with them. for good.

what is it with this town that puts me in ups and downs more constant that its hills?

seriously, i need a long break. maybe not having holidays since april until november has something to do it with it.

I got a kitten. she's the best. my loyal company. sitting on my lap just now. love her.

and then again, i got thinking "what the fuck am i doing?". does it mean im ready to settle? i don't think so.

i mean, this is no home.

this is my penitence.

honestly.

things can happen or not. it doesnt matter. there's a world out there that im missing out big time. and no replacements are available for that.

if you have a home you know what i am talking about.

I'm talking about late nights playing cards with friends,

joining strangers and getting into weird parties.

taking buses and crossing the tropic of capricorn.

finding secret hidden places, bumping into people like me, who dont care about what they are searching for, they are just there for the trip.

loving and hating but never leaving.

i want it all back.

back, hear me?

and fuck the whole rest.

you dont really help being such a bastard, dear.

Manchester Zinefest!

So that's what I'll be doing next weekend. Im gonna be there. if not with a stall, my zines will be there somewhere for sure! and I'll be there in person the whole day probably. I'm actually excited about this. it should be fun!

Help spread the word! there's still time to get involved!

are you ready yet?

Swinging moods. Sometimes I wish it wasn't my mood that had been swinging. oh well.

I've been thinking some more about when it's the best time to go back home. I don't fit here. It's a well known fact and I think there's only so long you can go pretending it's not happening. Everything i feel clashes with what I think and vice-versa. That's not very healthy. I'm already a weird person. The type that gets confused and changes her mind so much, she ends up not making any choices. so i sit and watch them go.

Don't get me wrong, it is not as if things aren't happening. But it is the way they are happening. Whenever I have these thoughts and start wondering so much, that's when I find a new "trouble" to keep me away from thinking, of concerning, of worrying about what really should be dealt with.

But it is ok for now. I have a good feeling, even if my week hasn't been that great. I have a feeling something is really about to change.

Oh the changes that never happen... where have you been?

Yesterday I looked at you and I thought you were teasing me. Today I think you were just surrendering. Ready to get the lace around the neck. I'll take you for a walk, let you watch my heels go. just like sanity has gone... slow pace. step after step getting closer to the real fun.

the fun that has just began, don't you think? cat and mouse. hunter and hunted. the catch and the chaser. the freedom of enjoying who we really are.

on heels I'm on the go. I will let you watch me go slow.

I'll turn my back to see you crawling. I've been waiting for that, to hear you calling for me.

are you ready yet?

digesting you

I will watch you
I will eat you
I will swallow you
then ressurect you.

Still digesting your bitter taste...
making me want so bad,
teasing me so much
just throws me in the mess

what ive done, what im doing,
its for the sake of my own sanity.
my sa-ni-ty.

"should i really pursuit a path so twisted?"

I will straight my arms to reach your thoughts
contort my heart to squeeze you out of me.
I just want you out of my system.

hard to make up your mind?

Oh... so many girls, so many girls .... to choose from, huh?

Come on, sweetie... I'd never even dare to tease you and pretend I actually care??!?

Because I know what it feels like

when I'm horny, it's the first come first will serve basis.

serve me. get down on your knees, lick my heels

while i stroke you.

You go to wherever your hard cock is pointing at.

never lacking directions having so many to choose from, eh?

But at the end... it's under my leash you go to those places

one of those nights... i just feel like teaching you a little lesson,

riding you and possessing you.

then going for a very long walk. without you, of course.

tired

I am so tired of this, i wanna cry.