new neighbors, old lovers

You know when the bad is so bad it becomes good? or the silly is so silly that it becomes funny? My problems just become more problems and now I seem to not worry anymore, simply enjoy finding pieces to solve the big puzzles. I guess that's what they mean when they say you gotta keep positive about life. Since monday I've been living with friends in a new flat. It takes a while to get used to it, but they do make me feel home so I couldn't be happier. It's like a family away from home. I have no idea what I would do without them. And friends in general. Ive been finding all those people I feel close to, specially caring and supportive. That makes all the difference.




Last memory of my old flat was staying up and not being able to sleep as the neighbors upstairs were having some wild loving that kept probably not only me, but the whole building awake. I started listening to it and trying to figure it out... if it was just hot sex or the guy beating the girl up (oh these days you never know). but it was definetely the first. Then as it got more and more intense, I found it funny, how i could just tell where they where from the "bangs" and "oh-oh-ohs". Finally, I found it sad that I wasn't doing the same on such a nice and warm saturday night.

Which brings me to memories. I love those memories. and I just decided to replace the last memory living there, for the first memory of having "him" there. so much better. so much more intense. neighbors would get jealous ;)

moving on

New week. Brand new sleep patterns. I've been finding hard to keep awake for more than 2 hours straight. I sleep 4, then wake up and keep my eyes opened for a short period of time. I'm hoping this will no longer be happening by the end of the week. Where has all that energy gone?

On sunday I move in with friends for I don't know how long. some work will be getting done here so I'll have to clear the place before monday comes. I've been so slow these days that I don't mind all the packing work as long as I can have my wine and some music while doing it. As long as I don't fall asleep while doing it.

Talking to a friend the other day made me think about little things about my personality I hadn't thought before. I feel extremely shy, super self-defensive in many situations, I'm over protective and really quiet when I'm being myself. But then, there's this thing about being on control that really drives me nuts. I don't mind taking orders as long as I know where I'm going. I'm terrible at following directions but don't mind people telling me where to go. as long as I can do it my way. Now moving out for a few weeks it's not a problem. But not knowing when I'll be back is a big deal. Plus not knowing how about other hundred little things that are going on right now don't make things easier.

In the meantime, I'm taking my time to get to know people around me more. Eventful days. It doesn't mean it's bad or good. But I can feel this all will have an effect later on at some point.

white strikes back...

I'm tired.

One hot day, so it is. The heat does my head in. one of the reasons why I love Scotland... the cold days, the long winter. I'm still without an agenda for anything. Even to write to people I've been meaning to for ages. It's come and go from and to the Hospital. I think worse than being ill, it's to see somebody you love (or anybody really) ill and not being able to do anything about it. all that and the heat now... makes me want to scream and yell. Not one of the best times, but hey, everything it'll be fine, I know it.

Hospital, everybody wearing white, trying to look strong but feeling weak inside. maybe i had that thought in the back of my head when took this picture...

Countdown for calming down please.