the eye who sees it all

Sometimes you find yourself seeking the things you already have and you don't know why. You think you're hungry, you want some food, but you just really need some spice... to make you taste things in a special way. That happens to me all the time. This whole rushing thing, hurrying to embrace everything and everyone who comes along the way, as if you don't take them along at the time they show up, they'll vanish from your life. that's starting to get changed. at least Im working on it. no hurries, no worries. just one step at a time.

wait... hang on... that's what "re-build your life" is all about?

I miss tons of things at the moment, but am so busy trying to get things going back to normal that when memories and deeper thoughts hit me, I'm caught by surprise, give myself a good drink and try not to think about it. one thing at a time, right?

But writing this from a cafe and not having my computer all set nor my camera loaded with new images really makes things harder. I keep thinking about how I got dragged to this photographic world and why. I can name people and I can remember places, I can go back in time and tell you exactly when it started... it seems like such a long time ago. I'm still thinking about where I wanna go with all this. or even... where can I go with this? Just needing directions at the moment. I feel now that I've got over some little things that got me stuck in my tiny flat. I wanna give faces or at least, some fresh energy to my imagination. Get some weird ideas out of my head and let someone else wear them. Treat it as a dreamland. Let my eye capture the beauty of the simple things, of the ordinary people. naked, of course... we'll see.

comfy seat

Excitment ahead I'm hoping. Some weird feeling of a little bit of adventure in the air. Slowly I seem to be getting back to normal. I wouldn't be going on about it too much yet, just in case... but I can't help getting excited.

I heard a little voice inside of me last time but won't do it again. promise. last thing I remember was avoiding eye contact, pretending nothing happened, denying the sexual tension, receiving a hug I would later know it was addictive. I think I might have got it all mixed up... people and memories and stories. reality and imaginary. naughty naughty. and still got the time to make the worst meal ever. thank goodness for his politness.

just feeling like it doesn't matter where I am... it always feels like I should actually be on a certain lap. does any of this make sense?