I've let you go this morning, not because I wanted you to leave. It was because I didn't want to be the one abandoning this.I'm not sure where my mind is at the moment. A rollercoaster of interferences and abundance of you. I took a trip back in time in my memory. I found loads of entries about the bad timing and state of mind I've put myself all these years. I found you being mentioned every now and again, putting me somewhere safe, where ghosts wouldn't haunt me, where nights were as long as we needed them to be. You'd bring me down to reality, but not the dull reality I knew it. I was your little bit of promise that things could be real too.
This morning I didn't say what I wanted to say, I didn't kiss you the way I wanted to kiss you. This morning I've let myself down for not telling you I care. For letting you go, not meaning it at all.
I'm scared. There're a dozen chances and only one big picture. There's only one heart to break.
Standing here alone, waiting for the worst part yet, it's going back in time in my memory, but not having you there to rescue me. Stuck in past and ruins of mistakes and loveless, careless truth.
I will miss you more than you think.
