on the corner of silence and uncertainty

I get surprised how little coincidences happen every now and again and get me totally not prepared for them. Its like a comet in the speed of light coming right behind you. you cant see it, but you feel it coming. you never bother moving. you want it to cross your way.

This afternoon, searching for something else, without even thinking much about it, I came across some old e-mails and got myself reading them. Trying to place myself in time and recognize some of the things i had said and everything that was going on at the time of that correspondence thing.

A lot was going on. And I miss that. I got sad for a little while this afternoon because, I know without a doubt, that there's no way things could be like when it all started. I felt as if it is really time to let go of all this. accept the natural way of things and just let it be. let it go.

I also know that I am always talking about this. about the last time, that always happens. and then again, and again and again. I am always talking about how it is the right time and how it is definate. and everytime I say things like these, I truly mean it. I really feel it the way im saying it. so i spit it out. maybe in an attempt to keep it out of me, to not swallow the truth, to not keep the inevitable. but I end up just staying starving, on an empty stomach, digesting denial.

I find it hard to be extremely honest to myself and to balance all principles and feelings i have towards life. it's gotta be challenging, i know that. but it is hard to keep harmony when you've got your brain and your heart always arguing. always disagreeing. So I end up running to the corner of silence and uncertainty, looking for a place to hide. I take a seat to wait in silence. just to realise you are next to me.

that is probably why we always meet. you always come across my path. thats why so many ends and never a beggning. never a development. never eye contact that could show me what you really feel.