Sunday, 18 January 2009

abstinence not making sense, absurdity and dreams

Layers and layers of attempts,
I am 6 feet deep in impressions.
illusions I created. now I want to consume.

And every name I pick from the hat, is a character I haven't written yet.

One that will name a new drink when I'm on my own trying to make a recipe work.

I've been dreaming the same dream for nearly a week now. And I mean it literally.

He comes. he takes his chances, he comes to stay. he doesn't want to let me go. I can't resist or say no. I stay. but then again, I feel like i shouldn't believe it. this is reality that never existed. Maybe I am trying to convince myself of a possibility that could never happen. I don't want to.

Bring back nightmares. Bring back my anger and my silence. suffocating desire inside of me. it is like dunking fingers in fresh hot coffee.

I don't understand you. I don't want to. and still, I feel the need of being around our nonsense. I have this impression of always been hunted by you. last time was so real. so nice, it even hurts to remember. the only time you wanted to stay and i wanted you to go. I can't do this anymore.

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