sun bathing

it's in anger that I find the most fragile existence. I mean, my very own fragile existence. In anger I see the world as a hurtful place, a tricky chance you take and can't take it back.

I'm happy some days are not as good as others. It's good to have a comparison, it's good to feel the difference...

... I've been missing that. feeling things are different.

I think not having ideas for pictures is really bothering me right now. Usually it's all so instantaneous, so automatic. I've got a feeling, an impression, a dream, a wish.... then i capture it in an image. i collect these thing almost as memories collected in a journal. I've been having eventful days, inspiring nights and have been enjoying it a lot.

But then there're days like today. I feel it running in me. I'm carrying these things; I know they're there. not anger... but things to say. but I can't capture that. I can't let it out. I can't give it a "face", or a name. so they are kept inside for now. it's probably what bothers me.

today i wanted to take a picture but didn't have any reason. didn't feel the need. just wanted to do it. so i threw myself in the kitchen. down on my knees, i sunbathed in silence. maybe im just missing the bigger picture here.