or perhaps a confirmation that, yeah, I failed.
But no signal. no voice. silence echoes. so does heartbeats. I dont accelerate, I dont move. I just drag my expectations to the couch and sink into german cinema from the 80s.
My closest friend questioned the other day if anybody has ever knew me. the real me. I didnt even know what that meant. I had to think for a while.
I'm still thinking about it.
It's been 3 months.
So when I put myself out there, bland and calm, just as i should, I find a bunch of childish giggles filling the space between you and I. And your giggles are not a reflection, they're a criticism disguised as an understanding shake of head. My giggles might be childish and you might see through me when you watch me blush and struggle with words, but they're all genuine and honest. They're me: I'm fearless of sounding stupid, because deep inside I might just know it's useless to try to hide.
When my sillyness comes to rest, and my past settles in the cheesiest corner of my heart, I calm down and manage to go fishing for the deepest of thoughts. I'm too childish for grown up talks, but too old for stupid mind games.
I bring the bravery out of knowing I'm ok.
I'm just ok, kid.
No comments:
Post a Comment