Silent film from a long week.

exhausted. that's all I am just now.

not a regret, not a mistake or forgotten secret. I am just shattered on the floor, lying still just next to those 6 empty bottles of wine.

Rewind the tape some more. there i am, the stranger in halloween, dressed in a red leopard printed dress, cat ears and feline instinct that made me leave a table of friends to your encounter. I don't know you, just read you. you follow my directions. i lead you to the darkest spot in town . minutes later you are diving in my darkest wet spot in a hotel room somewhere.

pause right there. is it all just before we got to talk for hours, you made me laugh and blush, as always, i even forgot all the trouble i was in.

so many (how many, really?) nights later. heartbroken. numb.

it bothers me. i just dont want all the men i can have no more.

we walk and talk about what i could do. i dont want to. do anything. i don't want to rescue anything. i want to be rescued. is it hard to understand?

it is fall, cold and rainny. i love the excitment of you showing me around your new place. i do get proud. i feel happy for you. but i hold it to myself. we understand each other.

we hide and sit in your bedroom, talk about whatever. without even knowing, you are rescuing me. but as always, i run away like the bullet train rushing to the next destination.

back to that floor, surrounded by a lovely mess and the bottles of wine i never drank.

two of you.

and a lot going on.

before you know it,

im gone.

being chased by the boys and wondering if they will ever understand.

there's not such a thing as me.

im the wish to be granted and remembered. never repeated.

there's nothing i could do that would make you less of a bastard. and vice versa.

no need for me to apologize. you can thank me later.